FUCK YEAH EXTREME ANIMALS

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MEGALODON THE GREAT WHITE SHARK OWNS ALL YOU WHIMPERING CUNTS. THE GREAT WHITE SHARK HAS EYES BLACKER THAN AN EMO’S WARDROBE AND WILL TEAR YOUR SORRY ASS LIMB FROM LIMB AS YOU SCREAM FOR HELP LIKE THE BITCH YOU ARE. THE GREAT WHITE SHARK IS SO BADASS THAT IT HAS ITS OWN THEME FROM JAWS THAT SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF FUCKING PUSSIES SITTING SAFELY AT HOME - IT’S THAT FUCKING SCARY YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING. THE GREAT WHITE SHARK SENDS ICY FEAR INTO THE DEEPEST DEPTHS OF THE HUMAN SOUL. GREAT WHITE SHARKS ARE 6 METERS LONG. SHIT. NOW IMAGINE A GREAT WHITE SHARK 15 METERS LONG. THAT’S MEGALODON. YOU WILL DIE OF FRIGHT SEEING THIS FUCKING MONSTER COMING TOWARDS YOU. ITS JAWS ARE TALLER THAN AN ADULT MAN. IT ATE DINOSAURS. IT ATE SEA MONSTERS. IT ATE WHALES. THAT’S RIGHT. IT ATE FUCKING WHALES. IT IS THE LARGEST FLESH-EATING FISH OF ALL TIME AND YOU WILL STAY STUCK BETWEEN ITS TEETH SLOWLY DROWNING AND WATCHING YOUR OWN LEGS SINK TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA. GOD I’M GLAD THIS THING IS DEAD.
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DUNKLEOSTEUS  ALRIGHT YOU FUCKS, GET DOWN ON YOUR ASS AND PRAY YOUR THANKS THAT GOD FOUND THIS MOTHERFUCKER SO AMAZINGLY BADASS THAT HE HAD TO TAKE HIM OFF THE PLANET. DUNKLEOSTEUS IS ABOUT TO ROCK YOU SHITS BACK INTO THE LATE DEVONIAN PERIOD.  THIS MOTHERFUCKER WAS ROUGHLY 20 FEET LONG, AND HAD FUCKING BONES ON HIS MOTHERFUCKING HEAD. WHAT DO YOU HAVE ON YOUR HEAD? WEAKASS PUNY-HUMAN HAIR IS WHAT YOU HAVE, YOU BITCHES. DUNKLEOSTEUS HAD A BITE FORCE OF 5,300 NEWTONS. YOU DICKFUCKS DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS DO YOU? I’LL TRANSLATE: DUNKLEOSTEUS WILL FUCK. YOUR. SHIT. BACKWARDS. THIS BRUTAL MOTHERFUCKER COULD OPEN HIS JAW SO FAST, IT CREATED A GODDAMN SUCTION EFFECT. YOU KNOW HOW YOU’D FARE IN THAT? YOU’D FARE LIKE DINNER. NO. FUCK THAT. MORE LIKE A SNACK. A PUSSY SNACK. CAUSE THAT’S WHAT YOU ALL ARE. PUSSIES.
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extranimals: GIANT ISOPOD GENTLEMAN BEHOLD, I GIVE YOU THE FINEST OF ABYSMAL FUCKWIN AWESOMENESS. THIS FUCKER RIGHT HERE IS THE MOTHERFUCKING GIANT ISOPOD. IT’S GOT ENOUGH CLAWS TO RIP OUT BOTH YOUR THROAT AND YOUR LOWER INTESTINE. IT IS SIXTEEN INCHES WHEN ADULT. SIXTEEN MOTHERFUCKING INCHES, HOLY DICK. IT WON’T JUST FUCK YOUR MOTHER, IT’LL BITE OFF YOUR MEAT-STICK WITH ITS FUCKING MULTI-KNIFE MANDIBLES. ITS YOUNG HIDE ON FISH DICKS, SO WHEN ANOTHER FISH DECIDES TO GIVE ANOTHER FISH A BLOWJOB, IT RUNS INTO THE OTHER FISH’S MOUTH, EATS ITS TONGUE, THEN TAKES ITS PLACE. THE FISH DOESN’T KNOW JACK SHIT. THIS FUCKING AWESOME PIECE OF SHIT WILL RIP YOU A FUCKING NEW ONE.
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WASP FUCK YOU ANONYMOUS AND YOUR PUSSY RAIDS. WHO NEEDS TO BUY A DOG WHEN WASPS ARE IMMUNE TO RAIDS?
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PISTOL SHRIMP JUST BECAUSE YOU CARRY YOUR HAND GUN IN YOUR POCKET TO HIDE YOUR SMALL DICK YOU THINK YOU’RE TOUGH? FUCK NO, THIS MOTHERFUCKER HAS TWO GUNS CALLED HIS LEFT AND RIGHT CLAWS. WHEN THIS MOTHER FUCKER KICKS ASS AND TAKE NAMES HE FLICKS HIS CLAWS TO MAKE A BUBBLE BIGGER THEN YOUR PUNY TESTICLES THEN HE FIRES IT LIKE A FIRING SQUAD SHOOTING SOME SHITBRAIN IN THE FORM OF FUCKING SOUND. THIS FUCKER HAS ENOUGH WHOOP-ASS IN A SINGLE CLAW THAT HE CAN KILL A FISH IN ONE HIT, THEN PROCEEDS TO EAT THE REWARD OF TAKING A LIFE WITH THE FLICK OF A HAND. HE CAN TAKE A FUCKING LIFE BY JUST FLICKING A HAND. A HAND. AND IF YOUR VAGINA IS STILL BLEEDING FROM READING THAT SHIT, WELL PREPARE TO GET A TAMPON BECAUSE THIS MOTHER FUCKER CAN SHATTER GLASS WITH HIS WEAPONS OF MASS AWESOME. IF YOU THINK YOUR WORTHLESS LIFE IS STILL SAFE, BITCH PLEASE. AS THIS MOTHERFUCKER COLLAPSES THE BUBBLE, THE LIGHT TEMPERATURE OF SAID BUBBLE REACHES 5,000 DEGREES KELVIN. IF YOUR DUMBASS DOESN’T KNOW THE TEMPERATURE OF THE SURFACE OF THE SUN IS 5,800 DEGREES KELVIN. THIS BITCH HAS THE POWER OF THE SUN IN THE PALM OF HIS FUCKING CLAWS. THE FUCKING SUN THE SUN THAT’S RIGHT BITCH. THE FUCKING SUN.
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CANDIRU SHIT GOD DAMN. THE ALLIGATOR GAR MAY BE THE FUCKING PIMP MASTER OF FISH, BUT THIS MOTHERFUCKER DOESN’T EVEN NEED A DICK BECAUSE HE’S GOING TO TAKE YOURS. YOU THINK YOU CAN EVEN WADE IN THE WATER? WELL, YOU CAN, IF YOU DON’T PLAN ON PISSING OR MASTURBATING EVER AGAIN. AS SOON AS YOUR TINY ERASER DICK HITS THE WATER, THIS SLENDER FUCKING NINJA SWIMS UP YOUR PEE HOLE, AND YOU CAN’T PULL HIM OUT BECAUSE HE HAS BACKWARD POINTING SPINES ON HIS GOD DAMNED HEAD. HE’S LODGED IN YOUR LITTLE COCK AND YOU CAN’T DO FUCKING SHIT TO HIM. THE ONLY SOLUTION IS TO CUT YOUR DICK OFF. THEN YOU CRAWL ON THE BANK AND KILL YOURSELF RATHER THAN LIVE AS A PATHETIC DICKLESS FREAK, AND MEANWHILE THE CANDIRU WRIGGLES FREE AND SWIMS OFF. YOU’RE LAYING THERE BEING EATEN BY BUGS AND JAGUARS, AND THIS DICK-RAPING PIECE OF AWESOME IS SWIMMING UP THE CUNT OF SOME AMAZON WITH A MOUTHFUL OF YOUR JIZZ. THAT’S FUCKING RIGHT: THIS FISH IS BI MOTHERFUCKER. HE DOESN’T GIVE 2 FUCKS ABOUT ORIENTATION, HE’LL DESTROY ANY GENITALS HE CAN FIND WHICH IS MORE THAN YOUR DEAD ASS EVER HOPED FOR. NOW DON’T YOU WISH YOU’D NEVER EVEN GONE OUTSIDE?
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WOLVERINE HOLY FUCKING SHIT, REMEMBER THE X-MEN CHARACTER OF THE SAME NAME? THAT PANSY ASS HAS NOTHING ON THE MOTHERFUCKING ANIMAL HE’S NAMED AFTER. THIS FUCKER ACTS ALL SWEET AND INNOCENT LIKE THE SNEAKY BADASS IT IS, WONDERING THE FOREST LIKE IT’S PREY, BUT PISS IT OFF AND IT WILL GO INTO AN UNHOLY GOD-FUCKING RAGE THAT WILL CAUSE IT TO ATTACK AND KILL ANYTHING. THIS ISN’T LIMITED TO YOU, YOU WEAK COCK-SUCKING PIECE OF SHIT, WHEN THIS ANIMAL GOES INTO A RAGE, IT CAN AND WILL EAT RODENTS, DEER, FOXES, OX, WOLVES AND BEARS. THAT’S RIGHT. MOTHERFUCKING BEARS. IT LEAPS ONTO THEIR FAT ASSES AND TEARS OUT THEIR SPINES, THEN PROCEEDS TO DEVOUR THEM AS THEY HELPLESSLY SQUIRM TO ESCAPE LIKE THE PUSSIES THEY REALLY ARE.
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TASMANIAN DEVIL YOU MOTHERFUCKING COCKSHITS HAVEN’T SEEN A GODDAMN THING YET. THIS IS A BALL-CRUSHING TASMANIAN DEVIL YOU FUCKS AND HE WILL FUCK YOUR SHIT UP. YOU SEE THOSE TEETH? THAT FUCKING JAW? IT WILL BREAK YOUR FUCKING BONY ARMS YOU PIECE OF SHIT. AND THOSE FUCKING TESTICLES GODDAMN. HE’S GOT BIGGER FUCKING BALLS THAN YOU DO AND FOR A GOOD REASON TOO. WHEN THIS SCARY FUCK GETS HORNY HIS EARS GLOW BRIGHT FUCKING RED AND HE RAPES YOU WITH HIS THRUSTING BEAR-CAT MANHOOD, BECAUSE HE LOOKS LIKE A TINY BEAR MIXED WITH A CAT, AND THAT IS THE MEANEST ANIMAL MIXTURE EVER, BEAR FOR FUCKING STRENGTH, AND CAT FOR FUCKING MEAN. MOTHERFUCKER. AND DON’T MAKE THIS CUNT ANGRY, BECAUSE BEFORE YOU CAN MAKE A HULK REFERENCE, HE WOULD ALREADY HAVE DROWNED OUT ALL OTHER NOISE THAN HIS TERRIBLE SHRIEKING AND THE FACT THAT HE’S MADE THE WHOLE FUCKING PLACE SMELL LIKE DEATH. THAT’S RIGHT, THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS SATAN AND HE WANTS YOU TO FUCKING KNOW IT. JUST TRY SOMETHING, HE’LL FUCKING KILL YOU.
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TARDIGRADE YOU THINK THOSE FUCKERS ARE TOUGH? WELL YOU HAVEN’T SEEN A REAL BAD MOTHERFUCKER YET SO HERE HE IS. THIS IS A GODDAMN TARDIGRADE. AKA WATER BEAR. AKA MOSS PIGLET. THE FUCKER IS ONLY 1.5mm LONG AT MAXIMUM, BUT HE’S SO GODDAMN TOUGH THEY CALL HIM BEAR. BECAUSE NOTHING ELSE COMES CLOSE AND EVEN YOU IDIOTS HAVE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT. 150 C° TEMPERATURE? NO PROBLEM. 1,000 TIMES MORE RADIATION THAN ANY OTHER ANIMAL ON EARTH? BIG COCK-SUCKING WHOOP. MOTHERFUCKING VACUUM OF SPACE? LIKE TAKING CANDY FROM A BABY. THIS MOTHERFUCKER LIVES WHERE HE WANTS AND DOESN’T AFRAID OF ANYTHING. HE’S SO FUCKING COOL, HE CAN “DIE” AND COME BACK TO LIFE WHEN YOU ADD OLD FUCKING FASHION H20. FUCK YOU MAN, HE HAD A SIP A DECADE AGO, SO HE DOESN’T NEED YOUR DAMN WATER.
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BASILISK ALL RIGHT DICK BREATH, YOU THINK YOU’RE THE KING OF TURD MOUNTAIN EH? YOU THINK A LITTLE LIZARD LIKE THIS IS NO BIG DEAL EH? WELL YOU’RE WRONG. MEET THE BASILISK. YOU THINK THE FLASH IS FAST? WELL YOU DON’T KNOW FUCKING SHIT. THIS LITTLE BASTARD CAN RUN QUICKER THAN YOU CAN START PISSING YOUR PANTS WHEN YOU REALIZE HOW PATHETIC YOU ARE. HIS CAMOUFLAGE IS SO GOOD THAT BY THE TIME YOU SPOT HIM, IT’S TOO FUCKING LATE, HE’LL BE ON YOUR ASS WITH HIS RAZOR SHARP CLAWS, TEARING YOU A NEW ASSHOLE. BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT’S SO BUTTFUCKINGLY AWESOME ABOUT HIM. HE CAN RUN ON FUCKING WATER. THOUGHT YOU WERE SAFE ON LAND? WRONG. THOUGHT YOU WERE SAFE IN A BOAT? WRONG AGAIN, DICK FACE. THIS BASTARD IS THE JESUS OF LIZARDS. WHERE’S YOUR GOD NOW?
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